Lucie was born 19 weeks to early because she had not developed any kidneys, nothing could be done to help her she also had no amniotic fluid around her so her lungs couldn’t develop properly. It was Wednesday the 4th of January I had been waiting for this day for what felt like forever because it was my babys 20week scan I was so exited that I was going to find out if my baby was a boy or a girl it made it even better I had Grant by my side, I didn’t think this would be the worst day of my life. So my mum and dad picked us up at Grants about 1.15pm because we where to be at the princess royal for 2.00pm we where both so exited, so we got there and where waiting to be seen. As we where waiting this young girl about my age (17) came out and shared the good news with her family she was having a baby girl this made the excitement almost unbearable I just really wanted to find out if I had a son or a daughter. We finally got shouted and the woman even said my mum could come in too this made it even better because she was going to get to see the baby again, I got into the room and lay on the bed she squirted the warm jelly on my belly and began to do the scan. It was really unclear and hard to see the baby at all she said there wasn’t an awful lot of fluid around the baby so the baby was curled up into a wee ball she began checking for spinablifia but she said that looked normal then began checking for other stuff. She turned round about 5 minutes into the scan and told us she couldn’t see any kidneys she was going to have to go get the doctor to come and do the scan. As she left the room I began to get panicky my mum and Grant looked really worried to but I never thought it was going to be as bad news as it ended up I thought maybe there would be something up with the baby when he/she was born maybe the baby would need a transplant or dialysis but the news ahead of us was much much worse than we ever expected. We had got moved out the scan room and put in a private waiting room for about 5 minutes at the most then we got moved by a doctor to another scan room. She started to do my scan and I remember seeing our babys heart beat like mad, such a big heart I cant remember much after that the only part I remember was her telling me she couldn’t find the kidneys either but we would need to come back tomorrow to get another scan of another doctor to double check she was right about there being no kidneys, then she started a sentence I cant remember how it began the only part I remember was it ended in “not compatible with life”. Those words rang in my head still to this day I just had a complete stranger telling me my baby was going to die, when I had felt him/her kicking away just the night before and I was just after witnessing his/her wee heart beat on the screen. She had to be wrong she had to. This baby was everything to me I had planned right up till his/her first birthday nothing else mattered knowing I had my baby in my belly and my boy by my side theres no way my baby was going to die it just couldn’t happen. All though I was convinced she had made a mistake having a doctor tell me my baby was going to die was the worst thing ever. I felt like I couldn’t breath I just sat up on the bed and gasped for air then burst into tears, theres no words that can describe how I felt that day none atoll that could possibly even be close to how much it hurt everything else that day was just a complete blur, I just remember the weather was really bad hailstones and rain pelting from the sky it felt like the weather was the way I was feeling.. It was the next day we where to go back to the hospital Grant, his mum and step dad where meeting us there so I put clothes on and tied my hair back and headed to the hospital with my mum and dad. My eyes where stinging so much I had only had about an hours sleep at the most and I hadn’t stopped crying. Was this the day I was going to find out my baby was going to die? I wouldn’t be able to bring him/her up surely god couldn’t let my baby die I had been saying my prayers all night. We got there I looked about for grant and couldn’t find him I really wanted to cuddle him so we took a seat up the very back so I didn’t have to look at all the “happy” people with there babys in there belly feeling that excitement I had felt less than 24hours before. Grant, Shona and Gary walked in about 2 minutes after us and came sat beside us. It was easy to tell by looking at everyone’s face we all knew what was going to happen next but not one of us would say anything about it. Finally the doctor shouted my name and me Grant my mum and Shona followed the doctor into the room where the scan was going to happen. The doctor from the day before came in and so did another doctor that was going to be double checking my baby. He once again squirted the warm jelly on my belly and started to checking to see if the other doctor was right, I just couldn’t make the tears stop I knew exactly what he was going to tell me next. He confirmed my baby didn’t have any kidneys and my baby wouldn’t be able to survive without them and also because his/her lungs hadn’t developed due to the lack of amniotic fluid around the baby. Theres no words in this world that could tell you how I felt having someone confirm my baby was dying. The tears wouldn’t stop we where all breaking our hearts my baby was dying. Less than 24 hours before I had everything I felt like I was the happiest girl in the world and that had all changed in such a short time. They put us back in the private waiting room and the doctor was coming to inform us what would happen next. The doctor explained to me that I could continue with the pregnancy but my baby was guarantied to die and then I would need to give birth or I could take a pill to get my body ready for labour and get induced on the Saturday morning. I didn’t want to take the pill I felt like I was killing my baby but after a talk with grant I released taken the pill and being induced on the Saturday to have the baby was the best option, I cant remember much I just remember holding the pill in my hand and feeling so guilty I couldn’t protect my baby for the 40 weeks I was meant to. I just threw the pill to the back of my throat and swallowed it with the water it was done my baby was gone nothing was going to bring my little baby back it was official my baby would be born two days later. I went home with grant and cried for the rest of that night my life had crumbled once again right on top of me and there was nothing I could do to fix it.